The same issue lingered a while, got it off for some time during dinner and after that I face it again. I'll still have to answer to your question, what do I think ya..?

It breaks my heart honestly to have known that you thought of it this way. Perhaps you have been paranoid and past experiences tell you that we were getting too close. I am aware of what the whole gang is talking about yet i'm not overly concerned because I am clear of what I am doing. Maybe unknowingly deep down I've crossed the line, maybe you did i dunno; but I'm sure whenever I interact with you, I know where I stand. I agree that we should guard our hearts to protect this friendship but a wiser way for you to have presented it to me perhaps could be more subtle. The things you tell me makes me feel like I've intentionally do something and it spoils it all. I know you don't mean it that way, but still..

Isn't it great to find someone who shares the same value and stuff to be around sharing your problems and joy all because of our Lord Jesus? I really treasure the times we talked about Christ and I've learnt alot from you. Shouldn't we be explaining to them why and how this stronger bond was forged? Because of a pure and transparent heart?

You said I was pretty wise and prudent in that I was being inclusive rather than exclusive, in avoiding inconvenient and uncomfortable situations. It wasn't even intentional! But there's seriously nothing to hide! I've asked you time and again about J to understand how she is seeing this whole issue. And was there even any inconvenient and unruly situations? Well not to me...Yet now... this is what you think?

I'm a person who's easy to read. What I've given upfront is probably who I am. Haven't you realised after these conversations? Why I was able to be sharing so freely and comfortable is really because I trusted you and there's just basically no other ill intentions or hidden agenda... or some hidden crush on you(for all we know).

Firstly I do not think that this friendship is going wayward maybe because I've been mixing around with so many guys. And you should know that I'm a simple person. (Everyone knows that!) So its just as simple as that. And my heart lies with God, my eyes fixed on Christ... I'm sure, you do(right?im assuming) and honour that. I cannot draw a line between oversharing and sharing.. just because I treat you the same as any other close friends, whether guy or girl. So just don't be paranoid. Maybe it lies with the problem that i'm the only child.. and also with my impulsion..I say things without thinking... aiya I dunno la..

I can only tell you that... after this.. perhaps our friendship will not be the same anymore. It will not be as free as before, or as comfortable. I dunno why it hurts so much and my eyes welled but it does. And I cried the moment i thought of it...frankly I felt like I lost my best friend and a kin. Its as if a playmate telling you she cant play with you anymore because she cant return the same amount of love and care and things you had shared with her and she'll probably thinks you are falling in love with her because you gave so much. But that was just out of a genuine heart that I treasure you as a friend and I NEED, yes, I guessed because I needed a friend/brother(since I dun have any siblings) too, and you're hard to come by. I'm grateful though that you made an effort to let me know and of cos I cannot forgot the statement you made about how "guys are usually more unreliable than you realize"...

You've helped me alot, be it academically or spiritually or even relationship wise and I'm thankful for that. I doubt I can face you with the same attitude and 'carefreeness' after this but I can assure you, brother, that for your sake... I'll keep a distance..
I dunno how to deal with this so I really pray God will help me. Because I'll dwell into either extremes, either to give my heart or retract it altogether.Will contd to pray for you and j..

I'm sorry.