it seems like i keep crying.. im a crybaby my gosh.. but i just cant control it.. :X n it saps my energy,crying.

din go to school today, im simply too tired and felt bit sick.. flu. Stayed at home, try to reconcile with my mum.. but she just doesnt wan to listen.. no second chance i feel.it's about Christianity again..can she just leave that aside and "let's talk about other things like my studies?" she felt there was nothing more to talk about since my heart is with Jesus. I care about her, I do.
Another series of harsh words came from her.. and i try, very hard not to take it to heart. but it's just so hurtful.

My stamina's going downhill.dunno y.. yesterday training was so tiring. I tot i was going to crack during PT.. it was the first time i felt that. Breathing so hard, i tot my lungs were going to burst. I was suffocating n i want to burst out in tears! Nevertheless i survived, haha. But it was quite crap lah.My stupid attitude seems to make training so meaningless again. Have all the crying drain all my energy?

I realise most people like to be around people who are bubbly and "dun think so much", just happy loh. I kinda lost that feel, not that i dun wan to be bubbly, i once was, but i duno if im still like that now... What happen to me?? I wonder.

feel remorseful when heading home b4? the fear in you starts to build up.. fear, depression, unhappiness.. going back to the quiet place.. where you can just do your own stuff.. cos no one talks to you.. just feels that no one cares.. everyone is just so busy with their own work. And me.. I've got nothing to talk to them about.. really.. to my dad: how's work? he probably say it's alrite and that's all. he never ask about my sch.. badminton.. my life.. how im coping.. neither does my mum.. i really dunno what's on their mind. She's probably just so crossed because im identified with Jesus Christ.. and she hates Him. And she asked what is it that i want, Jesus or her. Said in a feat of anger, perhaps.

"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, " I will never leave you nor forsake you."So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Heb 13:6-7

"Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done." Luke 22:42

"let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before himendured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of teh throne of God."Heb 12 :1b-2

oh im so glad im so glad im so HAPPY!! hee she finally accepted my invitation to church. O Praise God.. He has made me glad! He answered my prayer!! :P

"but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God." 1 Cor 1:24

someone commented my blog is quite solemn and proper... haha true?

anwz.. today woke up late again. piggy me. woke up at 10 den read the book on twenty Olympians(given by angela). it's downright cool hee. Help me realise things too..
There are many Olympians who run in the name of the Lord and credit really goes to Him. As i read their stories, it reminded me of how i wan to honour God by just my own ways. I guess by giving my best is not wrong, but i fail to realise that WITHOUT GOD IM NOTHING. Im weak and i cant really glorify Him by just my way. I need to lean on Him and confess that i cant win a race without God. Angela once told me, God determines my everything, even if i have prepared and trained myself very well for a tournament, He can still take away my health or allow accidents to happen to me, so i cant win or even play a match. Dun u find that very true?

tjc badminton gals '05 bbq(joyce n dora not in pic)
(=*TingYu*=)

completely amazing today..though it's quite terrible too.. haha.. charissa was losing 1-7 and then she won Kim, 13-11 den lost the 2nd set and was on losing end 1-8..finally won 11-9. was so scary!! haha den she did some funny 'stunt'-sat on the floor when she once judged wrongly and i tot she was crying har. she was laughing at herself lah! lolx.
Amanda and dora lost.. but they did their best. :) they are still the best doubles in my heart :) yeah yeah
completely sux today too...

it's holidays!!! yay... more time perhaps, for me, to rest ba.. but i have so much to complete that i doubt i'll have the time to do so.so what's holidays man...jus another period of time to slog.
revision, training, preparation for the coming good friday event, BS, outings(how i miss my friends)... of which training takes up most of my time and energy.. i cant wait to finish As and say bye to this kinda hectic life for a moment. hee
Ailing's gonna kill me i guess.. i was so slack and tired(excuse) that i din even attempt those homework that she gave within 10 days.:x hmmm really gotta buck up during this MAR hols though it's rather short haiz.....
im so glad that God led me throughout these days. He woke me up in the morning the day after training n i was so tired that i couldnt complete my bio revision n plan for prayer meeting later..His grace is sufficient for me!! it's more than enough.. i cant imagine days without Him. Guess it'll just be meaningless cos He determined even the family that im borned to, what else can he not plan for me.n it will all be good hee.
training to do my best.. whether i get to represent the school or not. It's for the glory of God that i do my best. n i feel His presence :) though i get disappointments occasionally, i thank God that He's quick to comfort me too. Yesterday Uncle Andrew was reprimanding us...so individualistic.. not a team at all. perhaps it's really true. We have to eat humble pie. He told us about the downfall of the Malaysian team cos they were so proud after they won in the Thomas Cup, and after that they never win again. It reminded me of the AHS team too.. used to feel that we were really good and there's not many opponents. Then we fell.. hard. n it's really sad... At that point of time i really think that God wanted to teach us how to be humble..
And i think Andrew is really right about the moment of glory.. while all our medals tarnish and our reputation fades away.. it is still the bond that holds the team together and the TJ spirit stays.. the friendship and trust built stays. The moment of glory fades in comparison with these bonds and wonderful memories about how we train and fight hard together.
Jia you kk TJC badminton team, regardless of the results, we shall put up this good fight and hold our heads high when we leave the courts and TJC :)

my tjc kakis..pretty girls haha
(=*TingYu*=)

realise my 1st blog addressed this topic too..

today a friend told me..hmm.. life is short and the best is just to do sth that she enjoys and be happy loh.. doesnt have to be earning millions or billions.. just do sth that's satisfying.

I went home and thought about it.. yes life if short and we live only once. who can promise a reincarnation and live another life? we do things for purposes and many people today are seeking meaning in life. So if life is about doing all that we enjoy and be happy does it mean we dun do things that we dun enjoy? the things that everyone enjoys is different.. so if one were to say he doesnt like to do CIP or even if he hates school does it mean he dun do or go sch? if a top scholar hates to help his classmates with their work cos it doesnt benefit him, does it mean he dun do it? den again.. does the selfish student deserve to be called the top scholar?

Satisfaction does come when you do sth we like, and of cos when we overcome obstacles when we never think we will be able to do.So what is next after being satisfied completing this particular task? it would be like chasing after the wind.. i guess if life were to be like that.. its just endless pursue of things.. and busy finding activities to fill up our time on earth. What's the point.

If life were to be just happy and for just to enjoy the things that we WANT to do, cos all man wants to live their lives according to their way, perhaps we would prefer not to be borned. Cos we have to face so much stress and unhappiness in life, but the fact is, we do not have a choice. So what exactly is the purpose of life when we are brought into this world without our acknowlegdement?

Who or what would one turn to to ask what is the purpose of a computer or even a mobile phone? The manual or someone who is using the phone? I suppose not..cos even the manual n the someone using the phone would be able to give sufficient basic infor on how to use it. Well, i suppose the person who FIRST created the computer or mobile would know best the structure and function(haha study too much bio) of the device... so if we were to ask the purpose of man on earth to live a meaningful life.. we have to ask the one who created us at the begining of all things. :)

oo... it's been long since i last blog.. not that i dun have the time to do it.. just lazy..
haven been putting much effort in studying too.. though i really want to.struggling to focus.Perhaps im suffering from an illness called Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity disorder--> neurological condition where the person has a reduced ability to maintain attention. haha.
im slacking so much that im afraid that i wouldnt make it this year.. got to really start to mug. Hard work does pay off.. well if it doesnt, God must have something better for me..His purpose stays yah?people learn n grow stronger when they fall. I guess those that dun grow up are perhaps people who seldom fail ba.. or they cant see the purpose behind the failure n continue to sulk...(just my opinion) well depends also how one defines grow up.
i've come up with a study plan.. n to those who's reading my blog, pls pray for me.. har.. that i can keep to the schedule. :X
I've made up my mind to serve in YFC after 'A's.. hopefully my mum would try to understand.. she might not like it.. but still.n pray that Dora would join me in Project Serve too.
Saw the yr3s the previous fri, some smiled n hug..some cried..next yr's my turn..(assuming im not retaining).. wonder how i'll react.
well all the best to those who's reading this.. esp those who's taking major exams.. Jia you yah!?