She said she felt bad.. expecting her old mother who has impaired hearing to live for maybe another 7 years, she wasn't for the idea of getting her mother a more comfortable pair of hearing aid. Why? Cos its gonna cost alot more. its not going o be worthwhile. Then if I didnt hear wrongly, her mother wanted to go for some medical treatment in order to hear properly, her sister-in-law agreed to bring the mother there (including paying the medical fees). But last min, no one was able to go with the poor old lady and she was called to take leave to accompany her mother. She was furious. She thought these other siblings who were for that medical treatment and were their own bosses should take leave to accompany the mother but they didnt, pushing the responsibility to her who is just a staff. And of cos if she were to bring her there, she got to pay, $1600 in total. She was reluctant but in the end she paid while her brother was called up by her father to bring the poor old mother to the doctor. The siblings went uncontactable when asked if they would like to split the medical fee and asked for the mother's condition after the treatment. She said her parents had 11 children..

Why do you have to pay when in the 1st place u were not for that idea?
Sometimes the elderly can be quite a burden hur...
- these coming from her colleague, my supervisor.

i was distressed to hear this heartless and senseless account in the office from people who are older, married, with children, someone with status, someone whom you look up to. Can you imagine if YOUR own children think and give you the same treatment? The very thought of thinking that her mother might just live for another few years and hence does not deserve the few thousand dollars hearing aid is by itself a scary thought. what a 'filial' child she was hur.. she was one of those who was reluctant just that she was 'forced' into a situation where she has to do what her siblings refuse to, still.. what makes her different from her siblings man..

Money issues... they really bring out the very evilness in all man, yet we can still stand upright and proclaim how noble we are, how kind we are, how righteous we are.. People usually look at the achievements and outward expressions to determine a person's worth and 'niceness', how wrong are we...

It reminds me of what God says about man after the fall... his precious creation suffering the effects of sin...
"Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.
They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them." Romans 1:28-32

Its an irony how quickly and firmly people (that includes adults whom most think are mature) hold on to falsehood and dwell in the things that are blantantly wrong. They continue to do what is wrong or sometimes may not be right to achieve wealth, status, for the sake of pleasure and to escape certain consequences which they think would not benefit them; even when they know their conscious has been pricking them hard.

Then again, after all talks, these people will ignore and justifiy their way by saying its my life anyway. Yeah.. its your choice, just that when you choose the wrong way, be prepared to face your deserving consequences.

Gotta drag myself out of bed this morning at 7am..:S
Why? Cos i've already given my word to jog with my churchmates at east coast park. (If I don't go.. I think Ching Huey will just slaughter me on Sunday haha)

Thank God I went. We had a good time of fellowship! Uncle CheeLiang was so humorous.. Aunty Ling Ling cannot stop laughing when someone said something comical. Kee Min couldnt stop teasing Jac(well it goes both ways), Cheryl was quite funny too. Ching Huey was as usual..suaning me. heh.
This outing can be considered the first most comfortable outing I'm with churchmates. I've never felt like that before.. as if..they were my family members. In fact we are siblings in christ! :D Nvr felt like that when I was in ASC though.. I was quite by myself. Really thank God for these people in my life. Esp Ching Huey.. if she hasnt been there, I'll probably feel so awkward.
I learnt about the patience of a Christian today too. Aunty LL was super patient when helping Jac to deal with some problems. I saw her love for Jac. Out of love, she guided Jac to solve her own problems, talk to her over and over again(yet sometimes J doesnt get it) LL continues to think of the best way to help Jac no matter how difficult it may be to get the message through to her. I reckon this love for a sister and patience come only from God, esp when we understand how patient and loving our Lord Jesus Christ was with the wretched man. Humans do not deserve any kind of unconditional love and sacrifice by God, yet He gave it by his grace to us. When He turn his face away from his only begotten son so that this Son, can carry the titles of murderers, rapists, corrupted people, man's selfishness, man's rejection of God.., can die in place of these people and gain favour for these people before the Holy and righteous God, Creator and Judge. Love.

its time to update my blog!! away for so long to seek the Lord's presence.
I went to Batam with church. It was a refreshing trip! or rather it was an enlightening trip. I'll update that prob the next few entries.. for now..just to mention my encounters today haha

It was a pleasant surprise from God ! I met Ching Huey in the Bedok Mac toilet. hah you must be thinking what a place to see each other right.. I thought so too. hmm we didnt plan to meet though haha. she worked in church which is at upper east coast road and i work at changi south industrial area.. both of us ended up at bedok for personal reasons. Bedok Mac somemore.. haha and both went there for the same reason. hee.. to take a leak :P the mac toilet cleaner ma... hee

After a day of hard work... I thank God such a beautiful arrangement. I joined them(CH and MY) for a while since I haven seen MY for a super long time, had a great time catching up, despite it lasted only for half an hour.

The whole day was quite absurd I thought. First I've got to sort out the corporate sales invoices, make sure the green CC matches the sales order report. Then i've got to match the yellow ones to the green ones. Then I've got to count them.. ALL OF THEM to check if the number of invoices and the number some other side counted tally. O man I tell you... my eyes nearly popped out. haha I was frustrated initially.. cos what I'm doing is kinda like an unnecessary process which they usually dont do it unless there's a mistake. That Malay staff.. told my colleague to detach all the green copies and the order so she can check(this has never happen before can..) then she forgot to hand us some orders. Then she's got alot of problems.. basically. Now we've got to sort them, staple them together and put them in order again. WAHHHH i went crazy looking at that stack of papers! And I prayed and prayed... whenever that lady ask me a question, it gets on my nerve man! heh Then I remembered what Rev Jim taught us about God's given portion in life, ok.. fine... just accept it and work lo. haha n work cheerfully! cos its God's providence :) and even in 'trials' like this.. I shall persevere and please God! After I've put them in running order.. (or so I thought) it turned out that I've not arranged them in the correct running order! like im supposed to arrange the invoices in invoice no running sequence, I arrange them in picking list no instead!!*faints* :S heh I look at that whole stack again.. and prayed harder haha. That God gives me the patience to quickly finish entering these data and rearrange them!!

Wanted to update my Batam trip.. but it's getting late! spend too much time on msn.. hee
nights!!

This song is really quite nice.. only after you watch the movie hee..

I need love, love ooh, ease my mind
And I need to find time someone to call mine;

My mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
But it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait

Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes
How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me
hanging on when I feel my strength,
ooh, it's almost gone

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
How long must I wait
How much more must
I take Before loneliness
Will cause my heart, heart to break?

No, I cant bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
Well these precious words keep me hanging on

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
Well, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes, now break!

Now love, love don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms hold me tight I keep waiting

Ooh, till that day
But it ain't easy (Love don't come easy)
No, you know it ain't easy
My mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take...

Just read his blog.



The lesson he learnt in Cambodia has taught me something too. I felt that I've been thrown into a situation similar to Job's. like his too. Everything seemed to have fallen apart. And when I drew strength from God to be on my feet again, I fell again, soon after that.



Can I live like Job? Trusting God in the things that happen to me.. why he allowed it. (well in the 1st place.. is not a matter of life and death but its enough to make my life miserable)



Can I have a faith like a child? I remember him mention about how the kids in Cambodia followed them everywhere they go. The kids look up to them I suppose, someone who is there to help, to give them love and even notice them. Can I follow my dear Father wherever he goes as well... and do as he says.

His law is a protection for those whom He loves and loves Him. Protecting them from decadence..

Often we are so caught up in our everyday business that we miss the essence of life itself. To appreciate its goodness.

To know God and to make God known..
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
1 pet 2:9

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Matthew 18:20-22(NIV)

Its her.. whom I have to learn to forgive and continue to love. No matter how difficult she may be. I'm given only her. This sacrifice I must be reminded is worth all the while. To bring her to God, to win her trust.

WE COULD BE TOGETHER - DEBBIE GIBSON

If I were an only child
I would be a lonely child
but baby we've got nothing to lose
I'm standing tall in my own shoes
I'll take this chance
I'll make this choice
I'll right this wrong
I'll raise my voice if it means
We'll be together for a while

I have never had a doubt
But for you I'll take time out
I'll push his love far away from me and then
I'll be completely free
I'll give up my security for just the possibility
that we could be together for a while

CHORUS:
If you said "Jump!" I'd say "How high?"
If you said "Run!" I'd run and fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
and if you ask once
I'll tell you twice I'll ignore the world's advice
if we could be together for a while

I am taken by your strength
I've thought about it at great length
I thought that I was happy now
but there are things that I found out
Happiness means greater things
I'll sit here 'til that telephone rings
then we could be together for a while

CHORUS

Wait'll I tell my guy (wait'll I tell)
Wait'll I tell my other friends
They'll all think I'm crazy- and ya know what?
That depends... 'cause I'm crazy in love with you
and everyone's best won't do
They'll say my hopes will not come true
But I'm taking the chance
Because you only live once-
Only live once (only live once)

CHORUS

There are no guarantees but if it means
there's even a possibility then I'll give up
whatever it takes I know
I've made some mistakes before
It may be just another closed door
But we could be together for a while

Don't you know that we could be together for a while.

This song caught my attention caused it started off with... if i were an only child..

I've decided to change my blog address to uponhisgrace.blogspot.com
Remember when I first started the blog run2glorify.blogspot.com because of the movie Chariots of fire. Very inspiring, very awakening. It was then when I started JC year 1 and I have to run the annual 3.8km. We got to train twice a week and on top of that I had to conserve my energy for both badminton and sailing training. It was a trying period. Tough but satisfying. Despite the physical exhaustion, I enjoyed myself. Struggling for time to do my homework and energy for school next day and continue to strive on my journey knowing God.

That movie had inspired me to start my blog to tell people about Him who changed my life, where I get all the strength to face day to day challenges. The previous blog address says it all... to run to glorify God's name...
As I grow older, the problems faced gets tougher and responsibilities increase, they get heavier. I still ought to glorify Him and would gladly do so, yet its the real world that I'm staying in, there are more temptations than soul-edifying materials, it becomes more difficult for me to focus. Hence to depend upon God's grace.. and his sovereignty.

I've learnt that there are many things in life that we cannot control. To grow up means we change our perspective and face these problems with courage and optimism. This process will then shape our character and mould our mindset.

Changes.

More often than not is what people refuses. Because it is hard. Face it. When inevitable issues arise, we can only embrace changes to make life easier for everyone. Fighting head on with these issues, there can only be bloodshed and no solution. Yet, this can cause people to shun the situations and keep mum, which does not help in any way either. Im in such a dilemma.. I'm in search of wiser steps to see my wish come true....
and last for good.

"It shall come about, if you listen obediently to my commandments which I am commanding you today, to love the LORD your God and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul,
that He will give the rain for your land in its season, the early and late rain, that you may gather in your grain and your new wine and your oil. "
-Deu 11:13,14

为什么总觉得
像一个断了线的风筝
毫无目的地漂泊
在那茫茫人海里
寻找有我以往快乐的身影

昔日的欢乐
缓缓地已烟消云散
那灿烂的笑容
也被泪光满面取代

再也没有完美诗句
再也没有优雅舞姿
再也没有抒情歌曲
那是一张白纸
面无表情的脸孔

just some random things that come to my mind... in my emo state.
It has left a deep mark, hard to eradicate.

can you see the things i've done for you... don't you even appreciate...
in return was a reply saying you're too tired to call to spare me that listening ears of yours.. is that what you call friends.. why must it be me who tries to clap harder most of the time.. do you even care... or maybe you just doesnt know how to reciprocate..

and for her..
has this caused me to live in her shadows all these years..
does she know im hurt.. what she has done has left a deep cut...
or is she just terribly annoyed about how i've upset the principles she uphold and all she thinks of is how i've turn from bad to worse.. but the fact is I have not.
I've put myself in her shoes to give her all the time I tried to spare, does she appreciate it..
has she spare a thought for me..
yet all i get from her is cold water.. who doesnt want a word of encouragement, who doesnt want a hug of love..
perhaps she's just too conventional to think of all these.
Yet.. a simple phrase like "Well done" is all I ever need from her... it never happen.

A constant struggle...
I'm yet still an imperfect human.. I have my worries, I face disappointments and upset..
.
.
.



想到这些。。真的好累。。。有时真想就此了断。。。

I'm so sleepy...think i didn't have enough sleep and i'm up early for work!! :S
I can now understand why the working adults usually head straight home after work.. cos its really draining.. I who doesnt even use much brain juice in the office am already complaining.. what more for those who has to audit, calculate stuff, design .. yea .. think. haha

Thinking of going for a jog in the evening after my work.. but I think I'm not going to tahan it.. c how ba. haven been running for ages. I've been playing badminton though.

Its ironic how I can spend my energy after work looking at the monitor again (when I've been looking at it for the whole day) instead of doing something else. I think its a habit, IM ADDICTED TO THE COMPUTER! man... :S I ought to find other things to do man. like read a book or just read some life science related stuff. hmm I think im just gonna contd my study in this major and do a double conc if possible.. looking at my cap now. heh

I'm starting to find some colleagues cute these days.. my direct neighbour eats all day.. haha she binges while she work, then she'll offer me. haha i guess by the end of 2 months, i'll gain some weight. There's this girl from my department who's super helpful. my age so there's more common topics and we kinda help each other even though what I am doing can be so different from what she does. She's full time, professional acc assistant.. me..? just a temp office.. i dun even know what to call myself hahaha. I wan to learn accounting! hopefully my mentor will teach me when she's back! :D

hmm better get back to work before my boss sees me blogging haha. (I've still got a long way to go! without anything to do...? I've got to find some stuff to do.. hah)

i've got nothing to do now man.. its near lunch time! hee... im so super hungry!!! :D

Kalene say I'm writing the same stuff over and over again throughout almost all my blog entries... is that true!!! no leh... there's different things la.. hahaha

Last sat night met ZY for supper and then we went to this private estate which is opposite CGH. We went there especially to see this very prominent apartment. It has got roman pillars and huge knights statues.. like those you see in Harry Potter 1. There's also ceiling carvings in the house! It can look quite spooky at night haha. try going there near midnight man.. haha. gui wu ah!! but with its lights on.. its super glam! it simply stands out from all its surroundings.. hee :D
if u have the time..go n check it out!

Another day in the office...
Finally I'm going to rest tonight.. not going anywhere after all the busy nights. Had initially wanted to catch Shrek 3 with Mingzi and Xiaoxuan but got to settle the new Singnet stuff that's coming tonight... my mother la.. doesnt know how to deal with that so I've got to stay home to do it. Come to think of it, its probably good too..get to stay home.

Actually I've been quite busy... gotten a job and im finally doing something constructive.haha if not i'll still be slacking, watching youtube on my bed and playing badminton. That's almost everything i'll do. If not i'll just be idling on the streets, window shopping and continue to look for a job on the net n papers, going for interviews. Though I have more time to myself, it can get quite sian... heh Now its probably worse.. all I do is filing the whole day.. N I get tired even though I can be doing nothing....its a brainless job.

These days my dad has been telling me to find alternative jobs which I can earn more while I have the time. I wonder what's really going through his mind man. HeH.. He ask me to look for any ways that I can make a business online or do sales.. selling those herbal alcohol... should I try doing it... but seriously.. I can be quite a computer idiot at times. haha

I hope school starts soon. Its definitely more fun than sitting in the office all day long. Well, I must say it probably depends on what kind of job one is in. For me, I'm quite inconsistent.. Sometimes I like to just sit at a corner and do my own things. As long as the things that I'm assigned to do changes, that's fine. I hate doing the same things even if I can get quite good at it after getting used to them. haha I guess I like to do creative stuff, jobs that give me space to think creatively, come up with some wap ideas and seeing them happen! hee... I'm still exploring the possibility to change course and waiting upon the Lord for His answer. heh good things must WAIT! :P

I can still write alot more things but the office setting is kinda pressuring me to stop haha. I shall continue at night when I have more time! so... tata~!!

The reason to smile,
is lost in the midst of unhappiness
Surrounded by anonymity,
i want to find myself

Feeling the pain of a heartbreak,
It is silent yet severe
It does not exist physically,
but plays on your mind incessantly

To God, be the love,
clear my mind, and all the tears
Give my heart a stepping stone,
to overcome the pain of being alone

cant believe that my friend wrote this poem.. haha quite cheem heh.. hardly understands it :P

Today is such a wonderful happy day! :D I can feel God's presence, I know He's there. And I know His words... carved deeply in my heart and blessed are those who keep it and follow it.. Amen!
Even though today was my 1st day at work (im currently working somewhere in changi south) i was glad about everything that had happened! Its an unspoken and inexpressible joy and peace in my heart. I cant tell you exactly how I felt but just blessed lo. Was generally quite happy doing all the filings and organising the payment vouchers. Not that filing is exciting, just er... so me.. doing my own things :D haha
Went to play badminton at night heh heh finally i get to touch that racket after 4 days' rest.. played fine. Mingzi said i was NOT TOO BAD today!! hahahaha.. that girl who teases me all the time finally said something decent and true! whahaha. ok la. i thought i really enjoyed myself today. Smiling all the way and I thought.. badminton and whatever I lay my hands on.. it should be that way. Enjoying every moment of it and infecting people around me with smiling viruses. My source of joy comes from Him, walking by me every moment of my life....