I really wonder if i should quit this job... the bus trip there will always be a prayerful one. Pray that I'll be patient.Nevertheless i always blow up. Somehow.... Yes whenever she comes by, it just irritates me. I would get so annoyed that I want to rebel. I want to go against whatever she says and hope she'll vomit blood and not step back there again...
But again... I know that it's so wrong.. Love thine enemies.Though she's not my enemy.. I consider her as unreasonable.. demanding.. domineering.. oppressive.. Well, all the pplz there know, we all ought to bear with her. But should I...?? All the more.. Not to stop her nagging.. But to submit to authorities... even unreasonable ones.
Ke SHI!(well another excuse..) the work there is too much for me to bear.. It's physically demanding.. just for that $5 per hour.. I guess I've had enough experience of what waitressing is like..
It takes so much effort just to stay joyful there. It takes so much effort not to go home in anger. It takes so much to keep my motive right... It takes so much effort to keep a good testimony... Father Lord, work in me.
It saps me of my energy... test my patience... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1: 2-4 Im on trial.... to become mature and complete.
It takes so much of my life just to be a christian. I ask myself this question again... Do I still want to be one. COS the spiritual battle is real. The fact is the world is corrupted and revolves around money and benefits of oneself. AND Im corrupted too...wanting to live a pure and innocent life to please God is to go against what the world values. That's why Im struggling so hard.
No wonder God is angry. The world(you and me..) have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.. full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice..gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; we invent ways of doing evil; we disobey our parents; we are truly senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless....(Rom 1:29-31)
How many times are we affected by others' inconsideration?? (but it'll never cross our minds, how we have affected others..)
How many times are we affected by others' words?? (but we'll never realise how much pain our careless words has inflicted on others..)
How many times have we lied, cursed and sweared?? (but we never will understand how much God hates that..)
How many times have you been told about the wrath of God and His love for you?? (yet you'll nvr care...)
Why do I want to continue being a christian, even though it seems so hard..?? Reality is that sin is so obvious in my life, sin.... even the very motive of me and of every other ppl doing something just for our own benefits is so so real.. I can not be oblivious to it. I want to live a righteous life that is worthy of God. That is worthy of the intended purpose of my life that God has created. In the begining, God proclaimed all things to be very good.
What's happening today...? Even brother kills brother just to get the assets of their parents... Youths and adults alike smoke their way to health destruction... Teenage sex prevailing... it's getting worse.. What is their sense of right and wrong today..? Adults themselves cannot be bothered even with the basic respect they should give each other.. What's more for their kids..? Like what black-eyed-peas sang..Where is the love.. All are self-centered..there is no one righteous..NOT EVEN ONE (Rom 3:10)
Yet I know To live a Christlike life... being a human that is originally created to be is going to be difficult. Swimming in a rushing flood is never easy..But if I made it...My life will be kept... If I know Im saved now, by a rescue team, will I not want my loved ones and all those in the waters to be saved too? Its a flood that Im living in today.. Flood of information from the net, flood of self-centered values from ppl around me, flood of branded materials, good looks that surrounds me all day long.. flood after flood, itll never be easy. But Im already saved. Cos Jesus Christ came.
Someone may say.. it's still based on your own efforts to save yourself from the flood.. Well... one can still be swept away by the strong currents in the water... Who knows how deep the waters are, who knows how strong the current is... who knows... God does. Think about it.. a vegetable lying on the hospital bed requires a life-support machine to sustain his life.. Who then sustain your heartbeat and supply you the very air molecule you breathe in now? God does..
And I praise God... I thank God... for every moment of my life.. even those frustrating ones. That i may grow to be strong, mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Signing off...Tingyu^^
Just me
"Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." Isa 40:30-31
